Tomorrow is the day.....

*sigh* The funeral is about 12 hours away. I have butterflies in my tummy.

I have decided what to do with a part of my dad's ashes. I am not going to ask permission from my mom - I'm just going to tell her that this is what I plan to do.

I picked up the flowers today. They are simply gorgeous. There is a cross made of flowers that was bigger than it appeared to bein the picture. I am very pleased. WhileI was in the flower shop, my uncle James called to tell me that thedryer doesn't work, so my mom is going to need the one I was goingto sell. That is fine.
The obituary appeared today - I received a copy and I put in a request for five more. Tomorrow it should be available online here:

http://www.legacy.com/ivdailybulletin/Obituaries.asp

He should be near the top, and just read it and look for my name.

I spent the day doing all the last minute preps for tomorrow. I made copies of my pictures for the collage, in case I don't get some back. The girls helped me stick them to the board.
We went and got my mom and brought her here to my house. We had dinner together and all night she's been really quiet. When she went to bed, I knocked on the door andtold her good night. If she needed anything, my room was down the hall. She was crying. I know why - tomorrow is going to be a stressful day for her.
My uncle Angel called to touch base with me, and to make some more requests. They aren't so outrageously unreasonable, so I will grant them.
Hongo and I outlined a plan for dealing with unpleasant family. I will attempt to kill them with kindness, and if they persist - he will step in and remove the person from my presence. Under no circumstances will I let them ruin my day. Its already ruined.
Hongo and I have talked a lot these past few days about my dad. Its been such a huge help to be able to talk to someone who understands and will listen to me without trying to turn it back on me. When you really think about it, I still talked to him regulary, I just didn't see him too much - like once a year. There is nothing for me to be regretful for.

I think I'm done for tonight- no long rambling entry today. I am tired, and it is catching up to me. Just in case, I intend to take a sleep aid to make sure I get enough rest. I was tired last night and didn;t fall asleep until after 2:30 and woke up wired at 5 am. I dragged all day.

If you are so inclined to do so - please keep me in your thoughts. Just one more day to be strong, and then it will be over and I can grieve and move on. Give me the strength to not fall into resentment against pretty much everyone ignoring my needs as his child. I am not sad he is gone, even though I am sure I will miss him, but I am happy that he is no longer suffering.

You know...death is a funny thing. Not funny - ha ha, funny as in strange. You walk around in a daze, in pain....but everyone around you is perfectly normal. You wonder what is wrong with those people, and then you realize that life still goes on. They don't know - they aren't mind readers. Death is a part of living....it happens to everyone, but yet - I don't know. Its hard to explain.