Wednesday, February 28, 2007

One week...




Someone tell me this will get easier. Actually, I should tell you - the nights are easier. I have Hongo here with me, we talk and he makes me feel better. When I'm alone in the morning, or when the kids are in their rooms, its hard. The picture to the right is me speaking at the service.

I talked to my MIL, she offered to take my old dryer down to my mom. I told her Hongo didn't want to put them out for something that was not their issue, but she brushed me off and told me that my mom was apart of their family too.
Oh, which reminds me - speaking of families, I signed my dad's online guestbook. It is here.
I did that yesterday, and then signed up for notification of any future entries. Well, this morning I got a notice that someone else signed it. It was my aunt. The "poor me, talk-about-his-daughter-behind-her-back " aunt. Ugh. She makes me want to ralph. So if anyone is bored, and doesn't mind sending some condolences, then head on over and sign my dad's guestbook. If there are quite a few entries, I will purchase the book in hardcopy and put it in the box with his funeral stuff. If not, hey - that's cool too.


I'm getting kind of wierd about my dad's ashes. At first, my thought was "I don't want ashes in my house." I'm not going to put a shelf in the dining room and have Dad join us at dinner. So I told my mom she was gonna keep them.
Well, now I kind of realize that having my mom be the guardian of the ashes may not be such a hot idea. She doesn't really have a backbone, and can be bullied easily. What if one of the family members took the ashes? Or worse, what if they open the urn and start dividing them up amongst themselves? Wouldn't that be considered desecration of remains? I'll be really pissed if someone makes my dad into jewelry, you know?
So I don't know what I am going to do with them.
My dad's urn.

Oh, and today I had my meeting with the parents. It appears that puntcuality is not on their top lists of things to strive for. Remember in yesterday's entry when I spoke about Mr "SA"? Well, today I met his wife. He's a cop! I knew it! Only a cop would be such an ass. She's a cop too. We talked for a little bit after everyone else left. I seem to have a few complainers on the team too. Nice. And LegoQueen informed me that there was another girl there that is homeschooled as well. LegoQueen asked her if she had ever been to ParkDay and the little girl said no. Poor child!


I am getting better at dinner. After 10 days of not cooking a thing, I actually got dinner on the table, fully cooked. It was only 1/2 hour late. Oops.

Its taken me forever to write this entry. I keep getting interrupted. I will say that I am looking forward to ParkDay tomorrow. I have to get outside. But if its windy, i'll be an unhappy camper. I hate the wind. So keep your fingers crossed that the wind stays away.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

I just want to say...

thank you to everyone who has called, emailed, commented, brought me food, etc. I am really thankful, I don't think any words can ever express it.

I am doing okay - about okay as a person can in this situation. I make seek a little bit of help - I am having trouble controlling my emotions. I talk to my Hongo as much as possible, but he isn't here during the day, and that seems to be the worst. I am no longer busy with funeral preparaations, so this whole thing is just sinking into me.

I promised I would write what LegoQueen wrote to my dad. Pardon us, it looks like broken English, she writes like she emigrated from Germany or Sweden, lol. At this point in time, I am glad she has a love of writing, grammer will come later.


Bless to God that you will be happy for your daughter for being your daughter. Be happy in Heaven. I hope that you will be happy for your family and grandkids. Signing, (she wrote their names) and your family Then she drew three small flowers at the bottom.


The next one:
We thank you for greeting us and your presents, from (she wrote her name) your granddaughter That one has a drawn picture of her and Dad under a tree.


Today she asked if her Papa (Hongo's dad) was going to die. I told her no - Papa is very healthy and he isn't going anywhere. Then she asked if HER dad was going to die. I told her no. Then I explained to her that Grandpa was very sick, he didn't eat his vegetables and he didn't exercise. He did not make good choices. She thought about it for a minute and asked if all dads died before moms did. I told her that there was no pattern, when it was your time to go, you went.


I talked to my MIL today. We talked about my dad, and how my family is being. Its still not over, I have to take care of some more stuff. She told me if I needed anything, she would help me.
I also talked to a friend today. For an hour. We sobbed on the phone for an hour. She has stuff going on, so do I, so we conmisserated.
After that I called the parent of the softbal team. Everyone one seems REALLY nice, except one guy who was a super asshole. I imagine that he has some kind of spandex suit under his clothes with a giant "SA" on the front. HE was such a griper. I can already tell he's going to be one of those parents who doesn't do shit, but complains that things don't go his way. Great.


I think that is all for tonight. I'm going to try a sleep aid, AGAIN. Hopefully it works - it didn't last night.

Monday, February 26, 2007

The funeral

We are home. Actually we have been home for some time.

The service went well, despite a few glitches. The funeral home people were late to the chapel. My family was milling around when they arrived. I met them and we went into a closed off room to discuss the details of what was going on. They let me in the side door, and I put up my dad's jacket, his pictures, and the flowers. Hongo hung the boards of pictures up for me. Then we let everyone in.

Hongo was guarding the urn, but then he had to go do something and asked me to watch it. My uncle Bob (the crazy one) saw his chance. He walked right up and grabbed the urn and picked it up. I put my hand on it, gave him a look that said "Let go or I'll kill you." and I placed it back on its pedestal.

The service was beautiful. I got up and delivered my eulogy. I remained calm, and I could hear people sobbing as I spoke. Everytime I looked up, all the faces were blurry. After me, Matthew spoke. Then my uncle George. But no one else.
Very few people came. I was very surprised, because I knew my dad touched so many people. Most of our family was there - a few of my cousins were absent and a few of my dad's cousin's didn't come.

My eulogy:

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for coming today. Your presence and sow of support for this family is welcomed and very much appreciated.
I would also like to thank Todd Memorial Chapel for handling these arrangements, and also to the staff today for facilitating things for us during a very trying time in our lives.
For those of you who don’t recognize me, or have ever met me…I am Charlie’s daughter. I have a name – its Kimberly. But growing up, I was always defined by my father.
Everyone knew Charlie. He was the big guy. Your dad is so tall! people would tell me. And he surely was.
Everyone knew him because of his love of life and his willingness to help others.
If you were cold, he lent you something from his closet.
If you were hungry, he fed you.
If you were thirsty, he gave you something to drink
If you needed a place to sleep, his couch was always ready.
If you needed money, he gave to you as much as he could, from the little as he had.
If you were in fear from someone, he would protect you
If all you needed was someoone to talk to and relax with, he was your man.

It didn’t matter how long it had been since he saw you. He treated you like you had never been gone. He was so friendly and could make a friend out of anyone. He loved to pen nicknames for the ones that he loved. Mine was “half pint”

Everyone loved Charlie.
He was the backbone of the Aguilar family. He held his brothers and sisters together. Family gatherings were at his house. BBQs, birthday parties, everything and anything at all. He loved it. Especially his own birthday – that was the biggest party of all.
He treated all of his neices and nephews like they were his own children. Life as an only child wasn’t so lonely because I had all of these cousins. When my cousin Matthew was born, it was like the world stopped. My dad was instantly attached to this little boy and was thrilled to become his godfather.
My dad enjoyed football. He was a tried and true Dallas Cowboy fan. As the years went by, the goal was to find SOMEthing that was Dallas Coboys merchandise he DIDN’T have.
He was also a big fan of softball, but only if I was playing. From April through July, every Saturday he could be found with a chair and a cooler at the local baseball fields. To him, watching me play was WAY better than watching the Dodgers.

Charlie was not without fault. He was HUMAN. As a child, I saw and heard things that no child should ever have to. Despite all that, my dad’s example taught me lessons that shaped me into the woman I am today.

He taught me that anything worth having is worth working for and earning.

He taught me that we all make choices in life and must live with the consequences.

You can’t buy real love and affection

He taught me that I don’t have to please everyone.

He taught me to be humble and to be grateful for the things I have.

He taught me that Life is divided in things I can control and things that just happen, I just have to try to tell the difference.

Which leads me to the final coversation I had with my dad.
He called me on my birthday and was teasing me that I was getting old. I amalmost 30, and he asked me howit felt. and he got really quiet and said ” Kimberly, the doctor said I’m going to die. He said that I drink to much and I’m killing myself. But you know what? Drinking makes me happy. And my life is too short to not do the things that make me happy. I know you want me to stop, Arlene wants me to stop, and the whole family wants me to stop. But I don’t want to. So I won’t. But I want you to know, that I love my daughter and her husband who takes good care of her, I love my grandkids and I love my family”

My dad was looking forward to seeing his mother again, and his aunt and uncle that have already passed. Reflect on his life, the memories you have and be happy for him that he has reached a better place.


There were a few hynms, and prayers. My mom was crying so hard. After it was done, people filed past us to offer condolences. I tried to shake hands, but these people wanted hugs. People were touching my face (the old people were doing this) and my hair, and one lady (an older aunt whose name escapes me right now) said "Its like looking at Charlie back in time." Hmmmm.

People milled around in the chapel afterwards. Family members came up to me and urged me to atend the gathering afterwards. Some wanted to know what I planned on doing with the ashes. I thought long and hard about it last night, and I had come up with a plan. When I told them, they were in agreement and want to be present for it. This will occur at a later date.
People would still not leave, but the man from the funeral home gave me the urn to take home. I sat in a pew and just stared ahead. People were staring at me. I gave the urn to Hongo and told him to put it away. They also gave me the signing book, which I will open in a few days.
I sat at the front of the chapel and James came and sat down beside me. I told him that I was going to take the flower arangements to my grandparents graves and think about coming. We talked about some other stuff, and he reminded me not to dwell on what might have been, but to remember the good times.
We packed up and left the chapel. We drove to the cemetary. After some searching, we found the graves. My cousina dn aunt had been there already - there were roses on the headstones. I placed one cross arrangment between the headstones. I knelt down and began sobbing. The tears just flowed. All the pain, the frustration, the hurt I felt inside just came out. I just sat there and cried. I finally had the opportunity to grieve. Hongo went to the car and got the second arrangement, and placed it down, came around and held me while I cried. When the tears were gone, I rearranged the flowers and I told Hongo that the funeral reminded me of an old Beatles song. All the Lonely People. In it, the woman dies and no one comes to her funeral, except the pastor. My dad always worried about no one coming. The was no need for him to worry.
We went to the gathering. I was very uncomfortable, but there were certain members of the family who made me feel at ease more or less. We left at about 1:30 after taking a million group pics. Matthew handed me a card, and when I opened it, I saw that everyone had signed it and left me their contact info.

Back up the hill for my free dinner at Olive Garden. Yes, did you know that after a long day for a funeral and gathering, being completly exhausted you can go to Olive Garden and have them totally screw up your meal? Order 5 soups, and only have 1 arrive. Then when the rest come, and then you have two adult dinners come out ready but not the 2 kids meals? Then one kid meal comes out and you are told they just started the second one!
We didn't pay a dime, the manager came and apologized then comped the meal and anything else we wanted. We should have ordered wine and full desserts, lol.
We came home and I fell into my bed and slept. I did not dream. I woke up, even though I was not ready to. I had a throbbing headache. Now this is where it gets creepy.


I was laying there with my headache, and my eyes were closed. All of a sudden, the familiar scent of soap and Old Spice filled my nose, and the headache was gone. My eyes popped open, and I began sniffing my hands because I had held Dad's jacket this morning. But the smell wasnt my hands. They smelled like cheapy Olive Garden soap. The smell was gone after that. I got up and went into the loft to tell my husband. He has assured me that it is psychological. I sure hope so. It's still a neat story to tell, though.

During the service, LegoQueen wrote letters to my Dad. They are touching, and it shows what a wonderful child I have. Tomorrow I will post the contents, and then the notes will be placed with where I spread the ashes.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Tomorrow is the day.....

*sigh* The funeral is about 12 hours away. I have butterflies in my tummy.

I have decided what to do with a part of my dad's ashes. I am not going to ask permission from my mom - I'm just going to tell her that this is what I plan to do.

I picked up the flowers today. They are simply gorgeous. There is a cross made of flowers that was bigger than it appeared to bein the picture. I am very pleased. WhileI was in the flower shop, my uncle James called to tell me that thedryer doesn't work, so my mom is going to need the one I was goingto sell. That is fine.
The obituary appeared today - I received a copy and I put in a request for five more. Tomorrow it should be available online here:

http://www.legacy.com/ivdailybulletin/Obituaries.asp

He should be near the top, and just read it and look for my name.

I spent the day doing all the last minute preps for tomorrow. I made copies of my pictures for the collage, in case I don't get some back. The girls helped me stick them to the board.
We went and got my mom and brought her here to my house. We had dinner together and all night she's been really quiet. When she went to bed, I knocked on the door andtold her good night. If she needed anything, my room was down the hall. She was crying. I know why - tomorrow is going to be a stressful day for her.
My uncle Angel called to touch base with me, and to make some more requests. They aren't so outrageously unreasonable, so I will grant them.
Hongo and I outlined a plan for dealing with unpleasant family. I will attempt to kill them with kindness, and if they persist - he will step in and remove the person from my presence. Under no circumstances will I let them ruin my day. Its already ruined.
Hongo and I have talked a lot these past few days about my dad. Its been such a huge help to be able to talk to someone who understands and will listen to me without trying to turn it back on me. When you really think about it, I still talked to him regulary, I just didn't see him too much - like once a year. There is nothing for me to be regretful for.

I think I'm done for tonight- no long rambling entry today. I am tired, and it is catching up to me. Just in case, I intend to take a sleep aid to make sure I get enough rest. I was tired last night and didn;t fall asleep until after 2:30 and woke up wired at 5 am. I dragged all day.

If you are so inclined to do so - please keep me in your thoughts. Just one more day to be strong, and then it will be over and I can grieve and move on. Give me the strength to not fall into resentment against pretty much everyone ignoring my needs as his child. I am not sad he is gone, even though I am sure I will miss him, but I am happy that he is no longer suffering.

You know...death is a funny thing. Not funny - ha ha, funny as in strange. You walk around in a daze, in pain....but everyone around you is perfectly normal. You wonder what is wrong with those people, and then you realize that life still goes on. They don't know - they aren't mind readers. Death is a part of living....it happens to everyone, but yet - I don't know. Its hard to explain.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

I run....

In December I decided that I would take up jogging again. I was tired of my weight gain and the fact that I was starting to experience chest pain during very stressful situations.

When Lego Queen was a toddler, I went back to work. Sitting at home with her was not for me. So I took a job a local retail hardware store and Hongo and I worked opposite schedules.
Times got tough, and Hongo had to take part-time status to keep his job schedule, so I went full time. My job in the store became more stressful and busy, so at night I would jog on the treadmill while LegoQueen napped. It gave me peace and let me unwind.

I am by no stretch a marathon runner, but I do find that a nice long walk or job helps me think and rids my body of stress.

When I got the call on Wedneday about my dad, I thought long and hard about taking a quick jog to clear my mind. Its not like he was waiting on me or anything. But due to the long drive and the fact that my mom was waiting for me, I jumped in the shower and took off. No workout.
On Thursday I took a short 15 minutes walk, and that enabled me to start writing the eulogy for my dad. The words just flowed, and I knew that it was almost complete.

*WARNING - could be disturbing to read*

Friday was a very stressful day. I woke up early and went alone to a local florist shop to choose flowers. My uncle arranged for me to order the flowers and he would pay - no money limit. I got 3 really nice arrangments and had them colored in navy blue, white and silver. The Dallas Cowboys colors for their biggest fan.
We went back to my mom's house and my Uncle James, his wife, and their two kids were there. I walked in my dad's room for the very first time. HOngo had gone in first, and when he came out, he gave me a slight nod to signal his approval. (lol, I told him to check it out for me and remove anything he thought I might find disturbing) I was ready. I stood and looked around while James pointed things out to me, and explained how my dad was living. I have to admit - being in all his clutter was suffocating. My dad kept EVERYTHING. His clothing was still piled neatly in laundry baskets. The room smelled familiar - he was a heavy soap user and no matter what, he always smelled like soap and aftershave. I wanted to sit down, and I almost sat on the bed. But I caught myself in time - that is where he died. The mattress had simply been flipped over. Tons of CDs...movies - both legal and pirated.... a computer that my cousin claimed did not work (I checked - it does) and lots of Dallas Cowboy stuff. Most of that time was spent lingering in the garage looking over Dad's stuff. What to toss, what to put in his room for the family to take. I was handed a notebook with a letter in it to me from my dad. He never sent it. He did that alot.
More people started arriving. People that my dad had known for years. They used to conspire that their son and I would marry one day and the families would forever be connected. The wife walked right past me and was talking to my mom. My mom motioned to me and said "That's Kimberly over there." She was surprised to see me. WTH? SOMEONE must have made our strained relationship look too dramatic. This was just getting annoying.
My Hongo wanted me to eat before I had my appointment at the mortuary. He could tell that the people were getting to me. So I gave my mom a hug, told her I needed some time away and I would be back to pick up my box. James had found a few thing that he insisted that I take. I don't want any of it. I was very specific about what James was to find for me, and he could not find it. Before I left, I was given the phone number to one of my uncles who was coming out of state. I called and he said he was just about to pass through my city, and wanted to know more details. He also had a request.....would it be possible to arrange for him to view the body to make sure it was his brother. I told him I would see what I could do. I called the funeral home and asked if we could arrange an ID viewing (I had declined it Wednesday) and I got details on it. Yes, we could - but there would only be three spots. I called my uncle back and told him that I could do it for him, but that he would have to understand that my dad was not prepped for viewing and that he could see the body for 5 minutes.
He agreed and I told him that I would get definite details that afternoon.
I called my other uncle Angel, and offered him a second spot. He accepted. I called a third uncle, Kevin and he declined and told me to offer it to my aunt. Um, no. She doesn't need to be anymore dramatic.
I had lunch ( a ceremonial picking at my plate) and went back to mom's. Those people had left and they managed to sell my dad's old yellow truck. My mom tried to give me money from the sale to help pay for the funeral, but i told her to keep it. She was gonna need it more than I would.
I took the box and had Hongo put it in my car. Then we went to the mortuary. Things went well there. When we started discussing the viewing for my uncles, the man asked what time would be convenient for them. I looked him straight in the eye and told him "Whatever time *I* tell them, so you tell me when they can come." He later told me, " You don't take orders from anyone do you? You give them." I said "You don't know what my dad was like - I learned it from him." and smiled. We parted ways and we went BACK to my mom's house. James was still there.

I talked to James about my dad. He confirmed what I already knew - people think that I have no business dealing with the funeral. I should have never shown my face. Whatever. I told him that no matter what happened, he was still my dad. I was still his only daughter, and I WILL take care of his business. I have nothing to gain in this, and if I really want to be honest I will say that this job is NOT one of the better ones that I have ever had!
James claims to have knowledge of my dad's "secrets" and that one day "He'll tell me when I was ready." Silly man. I already know. I am not an idiot. I saw A LOT of things when I was growing up.
We left AGAIN. We went to see another uncle - my dad's half brother. I gave him the info about the final arrangements and he told me he would bring a check to the funeral for me. Good - more money to help my mom.
The kids wanted to go back to her house and have dinner with my mom. I called her and she said she was kind of tired and was going to take a nap. So we went to dinenr, where again I picked at my plate. I called her a few hours later (we were still down the hill) and she was feeling better. We went back.

I requested that Hongo go in one last time to find the things that I wanted that were of sentimental value. But I knew that Hongo would go in there and look through things to report back to me. I talked to my mom, and she also confirmed that my dad was not particulary fond of Hongo. That is no surprise. My husband is everything opposite of what my dad was. I CHOSE him because of that. I told my mom to look me in the eye and see that I was HAPPY. I am HAPPY with my husband. He doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't cheat on me, he adores his children and makes sure they have everything they need. I have roof over my head, food on the table, and clothing on my back. He provides me with everything thing I need and want (I am a pretty simple gal!) For my dad to be mad that I was happy is unexcusable. When I wanted to break off my engagement with Hongo and start anew, MY DAD was the one who pushed us back together!

Funny.

This is getting long. I jogged 5 miles today - 2 in the morning, 3 tonight. I thought about a lot of things. The funeral, my nasty family, my mom, my sweet children. It all just runs in my head. I will finish the eulogy tonight - I finally know how I want it to end. I have spoken with the minister, and It will be deliverd by me separatly from everyone else. That is how it should be, and will reinforce to my family that this is my turf and I ALWAYS get my way.

I know in the end, the bond that I had to the Aguilars is broken. My dad is gone. HE waas the main knot of this family. HE kept it together. I see it unraveling.... and I don't have any desire to step up and weave it back together. I could - it is evident that the more time people spend with me, the more they are accepting me. But I don't want to. I see myself extending a bridge after this. Whether others chose to cross it is not up to me, and I fully respect it if they decide not to. I just wish they respected my decisions too.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Death - day 2

I woke up exhausted today. I didn't sleep well, for obvious reasons. I got up and tried to start on my routine. But I couldn't.

LAst night I got a call from my mom. She was upset and told me that my younger cousin was ticked off and yelled at her because of the funeral arrangements I made. I didn't respect her wishes, and never asked her what she wanted.
Excuse me? what she wanted? did she just die? I'm pretty sure it was my dad that died. My mom said that she was told that the extra cost of a viewing would be picked up by my cousin so that she could have what she wanted.

GRRRR! That's not what HE wanted! Why is that so hard to understand???

I was told that I would get a phone call from her to "discuss" the issue. If she thought she was going to bully me and force me to get her way, she obviously didn't know me very well. I have nothing vested in this death. There was no property, no money. I could very easily pay the funeral home $1000 dollars, take possession of my father's remains, and take them home. Or spread them. I don't HAVE to have a funeral.
But he was my dad, and I wanted him to have something nice.
Anyhow, I waited for the call. Nothing. I got up and walked on the treadmill for a while, and then I went to my neighbor;s house to talk obituaries. They were sorry to hear of my dad's passing, and the man gave me sage advice. He seemed kind of shook up to hear my dad was only 49.
I went back home and started the phone calls. They are having trouble reaching the dr my dad had. That holds up the death certificate and the creamation. I asked the funeral home to put plans on hold until I could straighten this mess with my cousin out.
I did a load of laundry, and kind of wandered around. I answered some email (the emails come almost as fast as the phone calls) and then I talke to my Hongo on the phone, he suggested I call my mom. I called her and told her the latest, and she put me on the phone with my aunt (dad's younger sister) and she tried to explain to me that my cousin was overcome with grief and was not in her right mind.
Maybe I am lame, or old fashioned....but I seriously doubt that when a person lashes out at the widow, it can be explained away. Where is your compassion? Where is your class? That's right- you dont' have any. What kind of person does that?
I was given my cousin's phone numbers and asked to call her, because maybe hearing it from me would help. I doubted it, but this cousin was always close with me, so maybe it could be done.
I called and we talked. The Mafia (her mom) had already called and warned her that big bad Kim was going to call. Oooh scary. We talked and while there was no shouting going on, I did tell her firmly that she was NEVER to yell at my mother again. EVER. She didn't want to talk to me, I could tell. One less family member to annoy me then, I guess.
I don't remember what I did after that....oh yes. I completed the obituary. Someone's going to be unhappy, but hey - I like it and that is what counts. I also started my eulogy (I think that is what its called) I guess its good that the funeral is being held up -it give me a chance to compose something that I can be proud to say.
I went to my manager's meeting tonight. They already were informed, so I got a HUGE outpouring of condolences and such from people I hardly knew and some I didn't know at all.
I got home and my friend Frankie called and asked to come by. She had made spaghetti and french bread. Her son made brownies too! They came and talked with us for a while. When she left. I started to cry. I am totally grateful for everyone up here. I don't know how many times to tell them. My online friends, homeschool moms, everyone who has told me they are sorry for this loss help me keep on going. I'm just really lucky to have them, becuase my family sucks.
I'm making food for my mom to take for her tomorrow. I got a call from my uncle (the one everyone despises too, lol) and he offered me something that makes sure my checking account doesn't take a huge hit. He also put me in touch with a local florist who will design an arrangement that my dad would love. He'll pick up the tab. He told me that he was very proud of me for standing up to the rest of "them" and for taking such a huge weight on my shoulders. We talked for a long time, and he left me feeling better about facing the people at the funeral. He's got my back. I can handle myself in confrontation, but its nice to know someone is on my side.

I wonder if its bad to take pictures at a funeral. I don't think it is.... I have pictures of my grandpa's funeral. But I don't know. I guess I will take my camera anyway. I want to capture the flowers, the service. I want preservation for myself. The urn is going to my mother. I'm creeped out by having that in my house. SHe needs it more than I do, and I know I'll get it when she passes (which hopefully is a LONG time away)

Despite the chaos of my family. I am calm. I am organized. I am almost done with arrangements, I'll pick the flowers tomorrow, send the obituary, pay for the funeral, and pick something to wear. I'll take possession of photo albums to pick pictures, and I'll finish my eulogy on Sunday and sit back to wait for Monday to come. The most important thing is that my mom is comfortable. She has no spine, which makes her a perfect target for the nasty family members. I have enough spine for both of us. I am, after all, Charlie's daughter.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Death

Amazing how pure eleation one day leads to pure sadness the next.

I got the call this morning at 5:30. My cell phone rang, and jerked me out of bed. I checked the number, and hit "ignore". Some idiot must have the wrong number, because I didn't recognize the caller. I turned the phone on vibrate and went to the bathroom.
15 minutes later, the phone started buzzing. Dread crept up in my stomach. 15 minutes later, more buzzing. Knots were forming. Whoever it was, they were trying to reach me. I picked up the phone finally at 6:15. I had a message.


It was my uncle. His voice was very calm and steady. "Kim, this is James. You need to call me back - this is an emergency."

No one had to tell me. I knew why he was calling. That's why I didn't answer the phone. Before I called back, I woke my Hongo. I was shaking as I dialed the number. James answered, and he confirmed what I had felt - my dad had died.
I spoke with him briefly...it was a blur. I didn't ask how, or when or why. I was just numb. I told him I would be there in a while.
We hung up, and I told my Hongo. He sat and held me on the couch, told me it was going to be okay. I waited for the tears to flow. But they didn't.
I felt okay enough to call my mother in law. Can you imagine my father in law's surprise to hear my voice at 6:30 am? He immediatly knew something was wrong. I asked him to put his wife on the phone. I love my FIL very much, and he is like a second dad to me. To hear him, made me want to bawl.
I talked to MIL, and she assured me that anything I needed would bedelivered, no questions. I thanked her and then turned my attention to my home. I had kids stirring in their beds. Hongo and I debated on whether to take them or not. He said no - I said yes. The people I was going to visit were not important to me. My children were, and I felt that I should have them with me.
I showered, and waited for tears. None came. I told my Hongo that I was upset - where was my grief? Maybe I needed to get over the shock of it all, he told me.

We drove down to my parents house. There were cars packed all over. I got out of the car, and my uncle James greeted me. My cousin tried to say something to me, but my mom came over and started crying. All I could do was hold her. The kids got out, and I waited for my mom to get off the phone with SSI. Sheesh - I wonder who put her up to that? The man hadn't been dead for a day and thefamily already wants to see what they can collect. Well, they get nothing. My mom will get some kind of surviivor benefit.
I asked to use the restroom, and my mom led me and thegirls in the hosue. When I entered the room, everyone shut up. I got half-hearted "hi's" and I took the girls to the bathroom. When I came out, the kids wanted to go outside. I went in the kitchen and turned off the stove, because my mom had the burners turned on to create heat. I grumbled something like "I don't need two dead parents," and went back to the living room. I sat on the floor and petted my dad's dog (who was having THE WORST time) No one said a word. I could feel the dirty looks and the glaring stares. I sat there for a good 15 minutes until I started feeling uncomfortable. I got up and went to the kitchen.
The chatter started up again. I heard things that I should NEVER have to hear ont he day of my dad's death. I should have to know that he struggled, that he was so sick and weak. I had an aunt (who thinks she runs this family) ask my mom "So - when are you going to have the funeral?" My mom told her she didn't know....she hadn't gotten that far.
My aunt started up with her lecture "Well, don't wait too long, cuz I got this and someone's party is saturday, blah blah, blah." I looked around the corner and glared at her. So sorry - I didn't know that YOU were paying for this funeral and that it had to be designed around YOUR needs, you old hag. I stood in thekitchen, looking at the window, and then occasionally glancing at the door to my dad's room.

They finally all left, and my dear uncle - the one who has been kind to me all my life, took me aside to talk to me. He told me how sick my dad was, how they tried to keep it a secret and minimize it, how the alcohol destroyed his life, literally. He went in the room and gathered about 30-40 bottles of medicines. That is how my dad was living....pills pills pills. He had just gotten out of the hospital.
He left too....and I sat down to talk things over with my mom without outside influence. I made us an appointment to visit the mortuary at 2 pm. I told my mom to get dressed and I would take her to lunch. I went into her room andwas taken aback by the smell - cats. Ugh . I hate cats. Anyway, she was wearing a stained sweatshirt and jeans. I went through her closet and picked a pretty blouse for her to wear. She protested - it was a special occasion blouse. I told her that life was too short to wait for special occasions to wear nice clothing.

We had lunch and I tried to buy her a new outfit for her, but she refused. Then we went to the mortuary. We sat in a room together and looked over price sheets. I don't thinkmy mom was prepared for the cost. She began to sob, saying "I can't afford this." I know Mom, and I'll take care of it. In the back of my mind I was thinking
"Yeah Kim, how ARE YOU going to take care of it?"
You just find a way, I guess.

We went for a rather inexpensive option, since the real wishes of my dad could not be fulfilled. He wanted a plot next to his mother. Impossible, because she died when he was 15. Nearly 35 years ago! Plus, due to his size, he would need a special casket, and I didn't think I would find 6 pall bearers. My uncle already said "Kim, I carried your dad out once, I'm not doing it again." He helped the coroner this morning.
I cried a little bit, when I picked the poem for the pamphlet:

The Garden

God looked around his garden
and found an empty place
He then looked down upon this earth
adn saw your tired face

He put is arms around you
and lifted you to rest
God's garden must be beautiful,
He only takes the best.

He knew that you were suffering,
He knew you were in pain.
He knew that you would never
Get well on Earth again.

He saw the road was getting rough,
The hills were hard to climb.
So he closed your weary eyelids
and said "Peace be thine"

It broke our hearts to lose you
but you didn't go alone.
For part of us went with you
When God called you home.

It stood out to me, and it just feels right.

The rest of the meeting was a blur. I was composed and could speak. My mom was huffing between sentences, trying to catchher breath.

It feel cliche, but when they say that you need to remember to breathe - its true. I found myself holding my breath a lot, and I had to tell myself to just keep breathing and I would be okay.

Before I went home, I stopped at my uncle's work and spoke with him. He pledged to give me whatever money I needed. On the way home, my other uncle called (the one I saw at costco) and pledged more money.

It's been a long day, and my memory is bad. If I remember more stuff, I'll write it. It just came to me that I need to go to the store so that I can make some freezer meals to give my mom. My hongo made me eat tonight, but who is making sure SHE eats? No one.

No one brought her anything today. Its like they don't care.
You know? That will be my rant tomorrow - how my familydoesn't give a rat's ass that my dad died.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I got it tonight!

I got the call tonight that I got the manager spot for LegoQueen's team. Hongo isn't thrilled, but I am really happy. I got on the treadmill and daydreamed through my short workout.....

Getting back to normal

Lucky kids - they havebirthday celebrations that last for days!

Today was dedicated to gettingback into routine. I did my workout today, and cleaned house. LegoQueen did her lessons - she just finished.

I've had more slots of extra time than I usually do, so I spent it catching up on all those "to-do" things that have been sitting on my desk. I gave that thing a good cleaning too. I have to purge some of this stuff to make room for other tasks.

It appears that I didn't get picked to be manager, which is odd - but I'm sure it sits very well with my Hongo. The manager meeting is Thursday and today is Tuesday and I haven't heard a thing. That just means that March 3rd is now going to be open. No sense in attending the umpire rules clinic if I'm not picked. It does mean that I am going to have to juggle the scedules a bit better, and Hongo is going to have to lend a bigger hand.
I'm excited, the season starts in 5 weeks.
My backdrop finally came - I am sooooooo delighted with it. Right now it stinks like paint and is as stiff as cardboard, but I crumpled it up and put it by the slider to air out and soften up a bit. I am going to try it out today (I hope) Hongo thinks its gargantuan and at first sight, told me that it was quite cumbersome. What does he know?

Friday, February 16, 2007

Party Day!

First off, I will say that LegoQueen had a GREAT time! I think its kind of funny that kids forget how much time and effort it takes to put out a party. It was the very first party hosted at our home, andI think it went pretty well. Not to say I didn't learn from the experience - there are certainly things that I will do differently in the future. I anticipate that Brianna's party will be quite different.

There was plenty of food (something I worried about) and nothing got broken (the other thing I worried about).

It wore me out though - so my Hongo put me down for a nap after dinner, and now I feel better.

LegoQueen didn't get a swat at the pinata - but I'm surprised, she was really okay with it. She just really enjoyed having everyone there.
Tonight she sat in her room and built Bionicles quietly. I won't bust out the thank you notes until probably Sunday, since tomorrow we are having lunch with the In-laws.

I would ask for a grant of patience for tomorrow, but I think I used it all up for at least a month - just for today, lol.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Happy Birthday!

To my LegoQueen!

Gosh, I can't believe she's 11.

This morning I sent an email to the local radio station, andasked them to announce her birthday. I got her up to have breakfast, and as she was eating, they announced it. She was totally beaming that "someone" called in her birthday.
The morning was business as usual for a Thursday. Chores had to be completed, and if they weren't done, no one was going anywhere. We did pack lunch and left early - I had to stop back at Joann's (this time with my 40% coupon in hand) and buy little foam letters. I'm going to have the kids decorate their pinata bags when they arrive so they know which is theirs. Yes, I am aware (as my husband has told me 50 times) that a craft is not necessary and we can just write their names. But its FUN!
We went to the park today and had a good time. The weather was great. I stayed later than I planned, but I really needed the fresh air and chance torelax a bit. My two little ones have been SO whiny, its not even funny.

I'm done for the night. No more painting, no changing light fixtures, no building cabinets. I forgot a couple of things, and Hongo insisted that I buy some punch and also more cake mix tomorrow. I guess what I have isn't enough. I plan to soak in a bath and forget the workout for today. Guess who is going to get an ugly wake up call when the treadmill starts going at 7:30 am?

I also got an email stating that my new backdrop is on its way. I am so excited! I didn't expect it to be here so soon! the co said 2-3 weeks. I ordered it Tuesday. But its on the truck and on its way. I can't wait to try it out. Hopefully my kids will cooperate with me.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Wednesday (2moredays)

2 more days until party, but tomorrow is actually LegoQueen's birthday. She got a card with money in it already, from great grandma E. I asked her what she wanted to do with it, and she wanted me to take her to Joann's for some new knitting needles and some yarn because she was running out. So I took her this morning and she bought a pair of size 10's, blue yarn, and some needle covers that were shaped like little socks. She's so happy.

I did some more work around the house - it appears that my Hongo has lost his "oomph". Suddenly everything is something that I "need to take care of if she's going to have a party" Yeah, thanks. Meanwhile I have a lighting fixture sitting in the living room, and the back of my car still has a giant cabinet and an under the sink wastebasket waiting to be put together and installed. Lovely.

So last night and tonight he's been laying around while i clean up after dinner and get after the kids to make sure their lessons are done and chores too (BTW, the rooms are still clean) Despite the fact that it is Valentine's Day, there is no overflow of romance going on.....more like a grrrr under my breath as I do the dinner dishes.

Back to the party - I think I am pretty set. I need to stop by the party store tomorrow to find some party hats. There weren't any at Target that were suitable. We might be late to park, because everything being dumped on me that I have to finish, but I am hoping not. I could use a nice relaxing day at the park.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Tuesday

I know - I missed a day of journaling. I wrote a blurb this morning.

Today went really well. I expected it to be rough to get everyone back into the routines, but I was pleasantly surprised.
We got up and I had LegoQueen start working on her lessons at 9 am sharp. We are moving our "school" schedule up an hour, so that we can start fitting in more errand days and extra activities. We did break at 10 and hit Lowes for a few last minute touch ups and a new light for the area in front of the downstairs bathroom. In that time we went to Lowes, to the car dealership to pick up plates (don't even get me started on the ass chewing I gave) and then to Home Depot for lawn fertilizer. They had veggies out already, so I snapped up lettuce, peas, spinach, and onions. I can't wait.
We got back at exactly 11, so I sent LegoQueen to finish reading on Beethoven and I sat with Drama Queen and did a couple of worksheets that she wanted to try. She's one smart cookie, I say! Hairy Boy sat in his room building with Duplos. He's been whiny all day so I figured if he was quiet, I wasn't gonna bug him.
Lunch at 12, and then at 1 it was time to get back to work. I am VERY proud about how well the kids listen when it comes to doing their homework.

Now.....I'm not so proud when it comes to cleaning up. The rule in this house is that everyone helps. First you take care of your stuff, and then you help someone out. Well, my kids have it backwards. They want to do the "helping out" (unload dishwasher, sorting the laundry, dusting, etc) when the real things that needs attention are their ROOMS! They also do a better job cleaning up at OTHER people's houses. I'm tired of the mad scramble Thursday and Friday morning to get the rooms decent, because we don't go to park or club if the house isn't clean. There is no "do it later"
After reading the millionth testimonial about how grand the House Fairy is, I signed up. I had the kids watch the video, and not 2 seconds after it finished, they all scrambled to their rooms to clean up so that the House Fairy would leave them something. Hairy Boy was still whiny - he wanted a toy airplane that he had seen down the hill (now how the freak am I going to get THAT) and he was so sure that this Fairy would not get it for him, no matter how clean his room was. The girls were awesome though - they offered to help him out and they had his room done in 5 minutes. I was able to go in and vacuum.
Tomorrow night I have to go out and get some supplies so that the House Fairy can bring the kids a welcome letter and membership card. She also needs some type of "fairy dust" Oh - and a color ink cartridge for her printer :P I can't take the kids with me when I buy my supplies - they'll put 2 and 2 together. I'll also need some special lollipops to leave in their rooms when "House Fairy" makes her visit.
SO now that everyone thinks I have gone mad, I really haven't. I think this is worth at least trying. Right now the kids rooms are still clean - they are hoping for a treat.

We're Done! (4moredays)

Except for a little bit of touch-up, we are done. The furniture has been moved, and I am going to give the carpets a shampoo. I never want to see a paint brush, paint pad, or roller ever again. But I can only wish, because LegoQueen and DramaQueen still need their rooms done.
Our new lighting fixture looks great. I love it! My Hongo told me that if there are any projects that I want him to do, I better ask now while 1) I have the money and 2) before baseball starts. I know, I know - baseball is huge in this house. Life stops and revolves around the TV and Cardinals.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Sunday (5moredays)

I am totally losing track of time. I forgot today was Sunday. No wonder there was no one at Lowe's when I went in at 7 pm.

Today I got up bright and early, determined to finish this painting thing. I started taping off the kitchen and worked on all the space below the cabinets. Hongo got up and started helping me. At around 9 we realized we needed one more can, so before we went any further, we headed out to Lowes. We got our paint and splurged on a new lighting fixture for my kitchen. I think I'm really going to love it once it is up.
The plan was to go grocery shopping since we were out, but we went to Sears instead. We saw a front load washer and dryer closeout that was discounted 47%. WOW. I didn't need a new set, I've had mine about 3-4 years. We went to Farmer Boys to have lunch and mull over the decision.

We decided to do it. Well, Hongo decided to do it. So I called my Ils and asked for help. I went back and bought the set and then we drove home to unload the car.

I painted while I waited, and Hongo cleared out a space for the new combo. The ILs came at around 2 and then didn't leave until 9. What a long day.

It is now all set up and happily washing my clothes. We are completely exhausted, but very pleased with our purchase. The only thing left is to try and sell the old set. I will probably ask $100 for each machine. Not bad, I don't think.

I have TWO walls left to paint, and then a small space in front of the downstairs bathroom. It should not take more than an hour - I plan on firing up my electric paint roller and doing it really quick. The wall is mostly windows, anyway. Then Hongo should have that lighting fixture up and ready to go. I really want to finish before noon so we can take Drama Queen to her appt, but as it stands right now, Hongo thinks we will have to reschedule.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Saturday (6moredays)

First off, my painting is going well. I probably won't finish it all by Friday, but I will probably only have one room left. I have only one can of paint left, so I need to go get more. I'm not sure when I will get back out to Lowes.

I let everyone sleep in today. I got up at 7, and at 8 I started taping off areas and painting edges. My Hongo got up and worked out in the garage. Funny - I didn't know anyone was going to be hanging out in our garage, but oh well. It looks nice in there. He put out a car seat and the old lawnmower with a "free" sign, and they were gone in like 20 minutes.
I painted our entrance room, the front room, and the dining room. Wow, I had forgotten how high those ceiling are. Tomorrow I have to haul out the gigantic paint pole and a ladder to finish up there.

My ILs called and said they were going to come over and bring the pinata so that I could have it for the party. Um, why not bring it when they come to the party? Because they are NOT coming to the party. My FIL has to serve a search warrant or something like that. Oh, and they would be bringing lunch with them.....at 2:30.
I am totally kicking myself, because I believed them. They didn't get here until about 3:30. We were starving. I should have fixed us a snack like I told my Hongo I was going to.
They brought the pinata. Its a Yu-Gi-Oh! pinata. My MIL brought a whole bunch of candy and toys to fill it with. That bad boy is totally stuffed and sitting on top of my fireplace. The kids helped her fill it, and then shook it up and down so that the stuff would settle, and then they filled it some more. The ILs also brought a helium tank (ballooons! Yay!) and some snack bags for the party. She wanted to put them IN the pinata, and I told her no - I would set them out and the kids could take one to eat with their pizza.

So what my ILs lack in being there for the kids in physical form, they try to make up for it with shelling out the $$$ for a great party. They ARE going to come Saturday and have lunch with us, though - so I really shouldn't complain. They are way better than my parents. And even though I would have liked the extra 2 pairs of eyes to watch the kids, I will now have my Hongo there. He was originally going to take a half day, and come for the party but with this new turn of events, he is going to be home all day to help me get the stuff ready.

Only six more days.

We went to Target tonight - I wanted new light switch covers because I am lazy and I tend to paint on the current ones, but Target didn' have the style I wanted. Lowes doesn't either. I will probably check the stores down the hill when we are there Monday. I bought Drama Queen 2 new pairs of jeans (which she loves, and I loved the price) and I got some zinc for myself.

Funny story:

DramaQueen has driving Barbie around in the Barbie car. She makes a tire sqealing noise and says in a high -pitched voice: "Oh no! I passed by Target! I better turn around!"

That's my girl!

And the final thought of this entry.....
I can't believe my daughter is turning 11. 1996 doesn't seem so far away. Sitting in my hospital room, laboring.....crying.....repeating the phrase "I can't do this." over and over again. And my MIL holding my hand and telling me, "Yes you can, you really can."
No drugs....swearing to God that I will never have sex again as long as I lived.....the non-chalant dr who came in and delivered her easy and then gave me my one single stitch.....the first cry of my beautiful baby girl with all that thick dark hair....my husband got to hold her first and he carried her to the doorway where his parents were waiting outside....then his flat voice, and him handing her back to the nurse, saying "She peed on me."
That day, she made her mark.

Friday, February 9, 2007

TGIF!

Yes, I'm really glad too. Three days of an extra pair of hands around here. I shall treasure it.

Today was Lego Club. Our morning started out great - I got a good workout in, and the kids were dressed and ready for our errand to Lowes for more paint. We were planning on going to Target in AV when we were on our way to Lego Club so that LegoQueen could have some thick stockings to wear with her skirt. Drama Queen owns several pairs, and they are working really well.
Well, I had the kids clean up out back (party prep, IMO) and then with 1/2 to go I told LegoQueen to find her new shoes. She couldn't find them. It was a mess - I turned the house upside down, literally. I was SO pissed off that this always seems to happen at the worst possible times. And then I opened her closet and saw all the clothes hanging out - especially the fresh laundry that I told her to put away was hanging out on a drawer. So I emptied out every single drawer onto the floor and demanded that she utilize her hangers, toss stuff that doesn't fit into the giveaway pile, and make sure those drawers CLOSE!
I got to Lego Club angry, partly because of the shoes and the clothes, and then partly because of something that happened at park yesterday. Even though I was late (by 5 minutes) I was the first person there, so I got to sit and speak with the hostess privately about some things. I did feel immensely better by the time the other guests began to arrive. I even forgave myself for not bringing my newest knitting project and the hat that I need help on.
I had to leave early, because my Hongo came home early and wanted to go out for dinner. Score for me, because in my haste and anger this morning, I had forgotten to take out anything for dinner (again)
We did go out to dinner - we wanted Olive Garden, but settled for AppleBees. After dinner we checked to see if there were any Wii's (because now all of a sudden there are cool games)
My Hongo asked if there was anywhere I needed and wanted to go. Even though I could think of a million things, I told him no. Because what I REALLY needed tonight was a hug and to just slow down. SO that is what we did. I've had my bath, I'm in my super comfy pjs. I got an email from my friend B extending an offer of help, and I may have to pick her brain in the coming week about entertaining.
Only 7 more days until the party.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Pink is just not me....

I'll have to change my template, because this is just killing me. Not tonight, though - too tired.

I should have know that today would not be a stellar day. When one drinks about a gallon of water before bed, and then wakes up this morning and pees hardly anything, it's not good. not to mention the amazing 3 pound gain over night. *sigh* Yes, IT is coming.
Today was our Valentines day gathering at the park. I got up, and after seeing that lovely number on the scale, I hardly felt like doing an upper body strength workout. I forced myself to jog though. I had to do some thing.
I ran to the store to get cupcake papers for my dessert, and I came back and whipped those up. While they baked, I sent the kids upstairs to do a once over on their rooms and I cleaned up the kitchen. I was SO weepy - I spilled cleaner on my sweats and just about cried my eyes out.
I packed the car full - taking care to remember the bags that the kids decorated to hold their received Valentines and the give-away's I had. Halfway to the park, LegoQueen asked if I remembered the Valentines that I had her place on my desk in three neat piles. ACK! NO! I was so mad at myself. I looked to turn around, but traffic was SO bad going the other way. LegoQueen tod me that it would be fine - we could bring them next week. But I knew it WASN'T going to be fine, because I had already received the email lecture about how you shouldn't eat from the dessert table if you did bring anything to share, and you shouldn't collect valentines if you didn't bring any. So NO, it wasn't going to be okay. I started crying in the car (thankfully the girls were in the back and I was wearing sunglasses) until I realized that I should go to find some quick replacements.
I was able to find some replacements, thankfully. I arrived at the park stressed out because we were late, and I once I stopped the car, the kids went flying out to meet their friends. I grabbed my cupcakes (which, I ended up getting frosting on my seat, so out came the frustrated sniffles) and went to put those out. My friend Caryn was already there, and was glad to see me. I guess someone "scolded" her for bringing a non-dessert item. Well people, cut her a god-damn break! She's not on the email list yet, she got her info from me, and even *I* didn't know that it was a desert only item until yesterday! She told the person that I hadn't specified a dessert item, and then asked me if I was gonna get in trouble. That totally made me laugh. Of course not.
I told her how my morning started and she offered to come out to the car and help me get all my stuff out. I told her it would really help me out if she would watch my kids while I made trips back and forth. To repay her, I let her sit in my extra chair (lol, no really - I brought it for her because she hasn't gotten one yet)

I did manage to take a few pictures of the event, and soem of the kids that I borrowed posed well for me. I have figured out my problem with this lens, and I realize now that I will have to stand back further and crop in Photoshop in order to get around the distortion of the lens.

It took me a while to get settled, but by the time that happened it was 2:30 and people were starting to leave. We stayed until 3:30 and it just got too cold, so us and 4 other families made a mass exodus to the parking lot.
I now am planning on an extra 4 kids and 2 parents for LegoQueen's party. If you want to know the story behind that one, you'll have to ask me privately. My Hongo is NOT going to be a happy camper.

Speaking of my Hongo, he came home from work with back pain. Limping around like an old guy. Of course I feel sorry for him, and what is the best way for a woman to make her man feel better???






You got it - I feed him. Feed him all the treats and snacks that he's not supposed to have because he's on a diet. While he indulges, I keep myself on the computer, trying not to look at him.

Tomorrow is LegoClub, and I am hoping to feel better. I may have to run to the store andtry some Midol, unless I can find some kind of herbal remedy to fend off weepiness.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

I just might make it....

with my painting progress, that is.

I woke up this morning to a clean house - well, except for the loft. too many valentines left in there. ANyway, I got up and did my workout. It was very easy - the focus of the day was flexibility. So after my workout I went around and just kind of picked up wherever.
I got LegoQueen set up with her lessons and I told the little ones that they could play. It was going to be one of those "take it easy days." Except for me. I tried - I really did.
I decided to let myself paint with just ONE can of paint. Babysteps, right? right. So I got out my electric roller, some tape, and the can of paint.
I started it up and it began leaking everywhere- especially on the carpet. I was screaming for LegoQueen to bring me an old towel, and trying to turn the dang thing off. I got a ton on the carpet. *sigh* , and my sock, and my sweats (but thankfully they are really old) So once I took it apart and put it back together CORRECTLY, we were in business. Can I just say I love my
electric roller? Makes the job go fast and gives great results. I really should have used it when I did Hairy Boy's room. The paint goes on nice and even.
It took me two hours, and then all the paint in the can was gone. I told LegoQueen to make lunch and I took the thing outside to clean it. All I had to do was plug the garden hose into it and turn it on. The water runs through all the hoses. I have to buy another roller pad, because they really aren't worth the effort to clean and use again. But in the future, I will use more than one paint can so that I can get maximum use out of that roller.
So the upstairs walls are complete, and half the stairway. It looks really nice - it give the house that "new" look, IMO.
That leaves the downstairs to do. I estimate three more cans to do that, and I hope to have that on Saturday. I'll have my Hongo prep the house while I am at softball tryouts, and then I will come back and do as much as I can. If I finish, that means we can paint trim on Monday before we take Drama Queen to the dr down the hill for her shots. I will have Tue, Wed to finish the trim.

My funny story for the day:
Hairy Boy had all of his plastic tools stuffed in his pants pockets. All he needed was to show some crack and he could have passed as a contractor, lol. Anyway, he was looking around for stuff to "fix" When I didn't find anything for him to fix, I later found him with the dog cornered, and he was "fixing" the dog! "I fixing Hayden, Mommy. He's broken."

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Today is Tuesday.



I'm serious! check your calendar!

Today was a really nice day. I got up on time and did my workout. My goal for today to not go for an extended period of time just sitting around. My timer got used a lot today, so in turn I got a lot done.
That kitchen floor is coming along nicely, and my refrigerator is looking pretty nice without all the leftovers in it.
Last night I had made a downstairs "to-do" list that outlined all the things that usually get overlooked when I am cleaning up down there. I finished them all, and I even put the kids to work with that little handheld vacuum. They fight over who gets to use it, lol!
I let the kids do their valentines today, they are excited to give them out on Thursday. I am still debating on what to bring. I called up my friend Caryn and asked her if she wanted to participate, and she said to put her name in since she's not on the yahoo group list.

I started that "knitting with 3 needles" thing that I said I was going to do. My first lesson learned: Do not try to knit the stiches on each needle. Follow the directions and do them all on one needle and then divide them up! So now that my stitches are on their separate needles, tonight I am going to read the tutorial on HOW to knit them. I am assuming (okay, I'm hoping)that it is pretty easy, lol. This first attempt will prbably end up as a ribbed elbow warmer, because toes and turning heels sounds pretty daunting!

I took the kids out to the park in the late afternoon. We tried to go earlier, but they were landing a helicopter in the field to transport someone, so they weren't letting any cars into the parking lot. I tried using that lens again, and I think I got maybe 4 good shots out of the 15 that I took. It focuses so slow - unlike my 50mm which is really fast. My kids were getting sick of me saying "Wait - hold still!" I really want to use this lense for LegoQueen's party, so I posted to my HS yahoo group asking for some moms to lend me their kids.

Monday, February 5, 2007

Monday Madness!

It was busy, but definitly an all around good day for all of us.

I got my workout in, and the house was cleaned. I did two loads of laundry, and I started with my kitchen floor scrubbing project. My goal is to do as many squares as possible in 15 minutes. You can definitly tell where I scrubbed and what hasn't been scrubbed yet. Yuck! How embarrassing!
At the rate I am going though - the floor should all look good by Friday. Then I can just maintain it until the big day.
We went and ran errands today....at the grocery store we discovered that they nolonger carry sun dried tomato turkey breast. One of our indulgances at 8.99 a pound. My Hongo will be sad to hear it.
Then we went to Target and picked up our Valentines for park day Thursday. Man, I am really wishing for some kind of break in between events. Yes, I know that I have the option of not participating, but the kids really like it. Plus LegoQueen has such horrible memories of the last V-day party when she was in school, that I just do it and try to grin and bear it. For those of you who haven't heard the story:
LegoQueen was in first grade and not doing well socially in her class. The kids picked on her a lot. Valentine's Day fell on a Friday, which meant her birthday was Saturday. I asked the teacher if we could have a little celebration, andhe told me to bring some cupcakes to the party. I did, and I brought my almost 2 year-old in a stroller and my 6 month old in his sling. Even with my hands full I helped serve kids who wanted cake and punch and cookies. It came time for the class to sing to LegoQueen, so the teacher told her to stand at thefront of the room. He put a crown on her head and started singing "Happy Birthday" I started singing too. But no one else did. It looked like LegoQueen was in seventh heaven, but as the teacher kept prodding the class "Come on - everyone sing!" the smile on her face started to fade. I wanted to cry for her and I was so angry that I wanted to line up all the kids and kick them in the teeth. I am sooo mean!
She touts it as "The worst Valentines' Day ever!" and so when it comes around, it carries both a happy and sad feeling with it. Last year we participated in the park day celebration. She was sooo happy because she was with her buddy Erich the whole day, yet it was sad because her grandparents flaked on her and didn't bring her cake or balloons to the park like they promised.

Sooooooo - enough of that. This year is going to be great, because I am hosting her party, I have a backup plan for the cake, AND I am not even going to tell her that her grandparents may come for her party. I am taking care of everything, because let's face it - if you want something done RIGHT, ya gotta do it YOURSELF.

We also went to pick up the pictures for the cheer competition that are going to be featured in the local community center. I wish they were better, but I am not equipped to shoot indoor sports. I dropped those off and signed my two little kids up for T-Ball. I can't wait!

I also tried to do that photo shoot of LegoQueen that I was talking about. She was awfully difficult, and I was getting frustrated, and by the time she loosened up the light was all wrong. We'll have to try again.

On to other news.....
Tonight we went to Costco, and I had to renew my membership. I saw this guy in front of me leaning over the counter, and he looked over at me. It was like I was looking into my very own eyes. It was WIERD! He stood up, and that sealed the deal - he's a giant!
It was my uncle! My dad's older brother. His eyes are the same as mine - he got his from his dad, my dad got the same ones, and they were passed on to me! You can't mistake it! He kept looking over at me, and finally he pointed at me and said "are you who I think you are?" and I said "Yes!"
I haven't seen him since before i had LegoQueen, so at least 11 years. We spent a good amount of time catching up. I introduced him to my Hongo, and our three children. I wish we had more time, but we WERE inside of Costco, so we exchanged umbers and email addys, hugged and went our separate ways.
He feels the same way i do about my dad, and I think I really felt more comfortable with him because he wouldn't judge me for the stance I have taken in regards to speaking with my dad.
He's still rich too, so I told him that I wouldn't say no to an adoption, LOL!

Well, that was more excitement than I can handle for the night. I am off to take a nice hot bath.

Sunday, February 4, 2007

SuperBowl Sunday

Yes, I watched, and yes I was pleased with the outcome!

I misunderstood when the game was going to start - I thought it was going to start at 3:35 Miami time. Needless to say, I was a few hours off.

The house was cleaned, so I just sat and knitted my scarf. I was looking at the label that had thedirections on it, and it said that it should take 2 HOURS. TWO HOURS? Those needles must be moving FAST!!!
I happened to finish my scarf in about SEVEN hours. I knitted two hours last night, and then about 5 hours today. I love it - I made it nice and long and it feels so soft! The only problem is that it leaves lint on my clothes. I supposed that is just the nature of the fabric!
Tomorrow I hope to sew up the rest of that hat. And honestly, that is the only thing i have tentatively planned. I just snapped at LegoQueen and sent her to her room because she has been bugging me ALL FREAKING day to see what we are doing tomorrow. As of right now, her butt is sitting in her room all day because she is grounded, and she hasn't quite grasped that concept. YOU ARE GROUNDED - that means you aren't going to the library to get a new book to read, you aren't getting to do a science experiment, you aren't going to the park to practice your hitting and throwing for softball!
The reason she is grounded is because her father found her up at 1 am playing in her room when she was supposed to be asleep. He told her that if he caught her doing it again, there would be no party. We are very serious about staying in bed around here.

I am making progress on my desk - I have MOST of the unnecessary stuff tossed and the stuff I need put away, except for one pile on top of my printer. I need to get organized this week, because I really want to take my camera out and use it. I won't be able to afford or justify a new lens or backdrop purchase if I'm not using the camera.

Saturday!!!

We were supposed to be painting, right? Well, it didn't turn out that way. We ended up driving down the hill to look at more furniture for the kids. We went to IKEA, and I bought more kitchen stuff to fill my drawers with. Would you beleive it? I bought an apple corer. WHo would have thought? 28 years and never had one. But my kids are eating more apples and its such a pain to go and cut each one carefully. I used it last night and I turned out three cut up apples in no time.
We went to the mall - looking for new jeans for my Hongo. His are "too faded" But just his luck, the style that he wears they don't make anymore. It never fails, he picks a line and they discontinue it. He did get a new belt, though - somthing that he desperatly needed because with all the weight he is losing the pants are too big.
We also stopped at JCPenney to get Lego Queen some new pants. I scoured the clearance rack for her jeans and I found two pairs of the exact ones she has now and made her go try them on. I also found a really cute denim skirt that went to just above her knees. Turns out the pants weren't on clearanc, but they were on sale, so the pants and the skirt cost me $24 dollars! That's great, considering the pants alone were regularly priced at 29.99.
SO now all Lego Queen needs is some nice socks and shoes that are suitable for wearing with skirts and she'll be all set.
Drama Queen needs pants too, but they didn't have any on clearance, and the ones that My Hongo picke out for her were $20. Maybe if she were a sedentary child who sat and didn't get dirty, I would buy them. But this little girl has gone through 4 pairs this season, and they all were ripped in the knees. So she gets cheap pants, lol.

We came back up the hill for dinner. We were all starving, so we went to Johnny Carino's, probably THE best bet for not having to wait. We were seated right away, but it was not a pleasurable expeerience. Our waiter reminded me of Kevin Federline - both in appearance and attitude. We were unfortunate to be seated right next to "The Moron Who Would NOT Shut Up" This guy had an opinion and a solution for everything. Some of the things he said :

"Fat people need to lose weight. The only way they can accomplish this is by not putting junk in the Lord's Temple. The Lord doesn't want a supersized temple."

"Schools should teach what the parents want them to teach - that way the parents can't complain about their kids not doing well in school" (I snorted and started coughing when I heard that one)

"Those Iraqis are not playing war according to the rules. They are underhanded and sneaky. The U.S. should go in and arrest all of them until peace is restored. That should only take about a month."

What was so horrible is that not only was he talking so loud that the entire restaurant could hear him, everytime he said something that everyone at the table thought was "funny" the males would pound their fists on the table and shake in their seats. As my seat vibrated, I truly beleived that men evolved from apes and these fellows hadn't evolved all the way.
So between my freakish waiter, and the guy who wouldn't shut it, I just wanted to get out of there. So we did.
My Hongo took me to Joann's to get some more yarn and some needles. I have done the binding off for the hat, but sewing the seams is not working. I think I am doing it wrong, so I am giving it a rest until I can either figure it out, or get some help.
In the meantime, I started a scarf with HomeSpun yarn. That stuff is sooooooo soft. I've gotten about 2 ft done, and I hope to get another 2 ft done today during the SuperBowl. I plan on wearing it to Park Day if its cold.

Friday, February 2, 2007

oooooh 13 posts......

well, here's number 14.

Today was LegoClub. We stayed a long time, but it was fun. It seemed like the beginning started off kind of rocky - the kids weren't all cooperating with each other. But it seemed to have ironed itself out because the kids were all playing together.

I should have brought Drama Queen's hat with me. I probably would have benefitted from a hands on lesson on how to bind off instead of me ready my book. I want to finish it tonight, but I don't know if I I will even attempt it. When I DO finish it, I plan on taking a picture and posting it to show the world!
Speaking of pictures, one thng i did learn is that it is going to be SUPER EASY for me to share pictures now that I don't have to use photobucket or flickr. I can just pull them up from my computer and post them.
Okay, back to knitting. Since I am almost done with DramaQueens' hat, its time to start thinking about LegoQueen's hat. I wanted to go to Michaels this even and let her pick out some yarn, but my Hongo didn't want to cross over to that side of town. I don't blame him - traffic is terrible on Friday nights. So we'll probably go tomorrow. I also want to go pick up some double pointed needles, because.........
I want to try knitting socks! No, I have not lost my mind - I actually found a tutorial that is geared toward NEW knitters who want to attempt socks. It is here . SoI figure I'll get some cheapy yarn to practice with, and just try to see if I can do it. Because you know what? I want knitted socks. And not only that - I want them made with some cool yarn , like my friend sells. She has a little online shop, and lately she's been adding these really nice colored yarn skeinsthat I look at and say "I wish I could make something out of that yarn." Because its cool. She even custom dyes it. The only reason I haven't bought any is because it would sit in my sewing basket and collect dust. Or my kids would take it and purposely tie knots in it or try to use it as floss.
Anyway, I'm really dying for a pair of knitted socks, as well as a small project that I can just put in a baggie and take in the car. We are going to visit Hongo's grandma down the hill - how nice it would be to knit on the long car trip. Plus instead of just sitting and talking at parkday or Lego Club I could knit, sit, and talk!
So I'm excited, but I just have to make it over to the other side of town so that I can shop. Who's great idea was it to put all the craft stores on that side of the freeway? Or whose dumb idea was it to buy a house on the WRONG side of the freeway?

Okay - enough about my new knitting obsession and onto other things. I talked to my MIL today about the party. She is adamant that she wants to come and meet all of LegoQueens' buddies. So she is trying to make arrangements to be here that day. I am heavily considering making a back-up cake in case she doesn't show. I honestly went out and bought 2 boxes of cake mix and chocolate frosting to have in the pantry.
I also mentioned to my MIL that I was going to take LegoQueen out for her own personal photo shoot to capture her personality on film and celebrate being 11. I'll let her pick an outfit and we'll spend some time just doing candid stuff. She doesn't really like being in front of the camera, so I know that she will need to prodded a little bit to loosen up and look natural. But when we are done,I hope to send out a few collages that the grandparents (and great-grandparents) will enjoy hanging in their homes.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Park Day!

We made it to park day. But did you really think we wouldn't?
The desserts were fabulous. I was so stuffed after the apple pie thing, the cookies that looked like there was apple in, the peanut butter bar and the small slice of carrot cake that I didn't get to sample anything else. But I got the recipies for sure!!!!!


I BROUGHT my stuff, but it was breezy and stuff was flying all over, that I didn't bother to bring them out. Next week for sure.
My friend didn't come - her son got sick and her baby was starting up with a cold. Better to have them indoors instead of out running around, I always say.
The turnout was great, but I found myself getting irritated by one lady in particular. Some people you can only take so much of, and then you are looking around to see if you can excuse yourself. Don't worry, I know people probably do that when talking to me too. Some people just don't click. I got lucky though - she left. Another mom chided me for not telling this lady off. I don't know - I just like to keep the peace as best as I can.

So the decision has been made - LegoQueen's party will be on the 16th, and Lego Club will be at my house. I just read that the Valentine's Day exchange is going to be next week, so I asked the woman in charge if that really meant the 8th - not the 15th. We'll see. It probably does.

My mom called today. The three bullet points I got out of the 25 minute conversation:

* My cousin is 5 months pregnant (this I knew) her boyfriend doesn't have a job, nor is he the type to go look for one. I told my mom that she should let my cousin know that having sex with the mentally handicapped is WRONG. So is sex with obviously ugly people who don't have any personality. This guy is awful, and now my cousin is forever bound to him with this child. Hopefully she will drop this guy like a hot potato and RUN for her life!

* My mom has named me the primary beneficiary for her new life insurance policy. All I can say is WOW. Who would have thought that my mother is intelligent enough and courteous enough to get a policy to cover her burial expenses and not just assume that I will take care of it. So we talked about her final wishes for a bit.

* My mom wants to take the kids to Chuck E Cheese's for LegoQueen's birthday. Hmmm... I smell something fishy. My parents haven't seen my kids in over a year.


I think that is it for tonight, off to rest up for LegoClub tomorrow!