The funeral

We are home. Actually we have been home for some time.

The service went well, despite a few glitches. The funeral home people were late to the chapel. My family was milling around when they arrived. I met them and we went into a closed off room to discuss the details of what was going on. They let me in the side door, and I put up my dad's jacket, his pictures, and the flowers. Hongo hung the boards of pictures up for me. Then we let everyone in.

Hongo was guarding the urn, but then he had to go do something and asked me to watch it. My uncle Bob (the crazy one) saw his chance. He walked right up and grabbed the urn and picked it up. I put my hand on it, gave him a look that said "Let go or I'll kill you." and I placed it back on its pedestal.

The service was beautiful. I got up and delivered my eulogy. I remained calm, and I could hear people sobbing as I spoke. Everytime I looked up, all the faces were blurry. After me, Matthew spoke. Then my uncle George. But no one else.
Very few people came. I was very surprised, because I knew my dad touched so many people. Most of our family was there - a few of my cousins were absent and a few of my dad's cousin's didn't come.

My eulogy:

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for coming today. Your presence and sow of support for this family is welcomed and very much appreciated.
I would also like to thank Todd Memorial Chapel for handling these arrangements, and also to the staff today for facilitating things for us during a very trying time in our lives.
For those of you who don’t recognize me, or have ever met me…I am Charlie’s daughter. I have a name – its Kimberly. But growing up, I was always defined by my father.
Everyone knew Charlie. He was the big guy. Your dad is so tall! people would tell me. And he surely was.
Everyone knew him because of his love of life and his willingness to help others.
If you were cold, he lent you something from his closet.
If you were hungry, he fed you.
If you were thirsty, he gave you something to drink
If you needed a place to sleep, his couch was always ready.
If you needed money, he gave to you as much as he could, from the little as he had.
If you were in fear from someone, he would protect you
If all you needed was someoone to talk to and relax with, he was your man.

It didn’t matter how long it had been since he saw you. He treated you like you had never been gone. He was so friendly and could make a friend out of anyone. He loved to pen nicknames for the ones that he loved. Mine was “half pint”

Everyone loved Charlie.
He was the backbone of the Aguilar family. He held his brothers and sisters together. Family gatherings were at his house. BBQs, birthday parties, everything and anything at all. He loved it. Especially his own birthday – that was the biggest party of all.
He treated all of his neices and nephews like they were his own children. Life as an only child wasn’t so lonely because I had all of these cousins. When my cousin Matthew was born, it was like the world stopped. My dad was instantly attached to this little boy and was thrilled to become his godfather.
My dad enjoyed football. He was a tried and true Dallas Cowboy fan. As the years went by, the goal was to find SOMEthing that was Dallas Coboys merchandise he DIDN’T have.
He was also a big fan of softball, but only if I was playing. From April through July, every Saturday he could be found with a chair and a cooler at the local baseball fields. To him, watching me play was WAY better than watching the Dodgers.

Charlie was not without fault. He was HUMAN. As a child, I saw and heard things that no child should ever have to. Despite all that, my dad’s example taught me lessons that shaped me into the woman I am today.

He taught me that anything worth having is worth working for and earning.

He taught me that we all make choices in life and must live with the consequences.

You can’t buy real love and affection

He taught me that I don’t have to please everyone.

He taught me to be humble and to be grateful for the things I have.

He taught me that Life is divided in things I can control and things that just happen, I just have to try to tell the difference.

Which leads me to the final coversation I had with my dad.
He called me on my birthday and was teasing me that I was getting old. I amalmost 30, and he asked me howit felt. and he got really quiet and said ” Kimberly, the doctor said I’m going to die. He said that I drink to much and I’m killing myself. But you know what? Drinking makes me happy. And my life is too short to not do the things that make me happy. I know you want me to stop, Arlene wants me to stop, and the whole family wants me to stop. But I don’t want to. So I won’t. But I want you to know, that I love my daughter and her husband who takes good care of her, I love my grandkids and I love my family”

My dad was looking forward to seeing his mother again, and his aunt and uncle that have already passed. Reflect on his life, the memories you have and be happy for him that he has reached a better place.


There were a few hynms, and prayers. My mom was crying so hard. After it was done, people filed past us to offer condolences. I tried to shake hands, but these people wanted hugs. People were touching my face (the old people were doing this) and my hair, and one lady (an older aunt whose name escapes me right now) said "Its like looking at Charlie back in time." Hmmmm.

People milled around in the chapel afterwards. Family members came up to me and urged me to atend the gathering afterwards. Some wanted to know what I planned on doing with the ashes. I thought long and hard about it last night, and I had come up with a plan. When I told them, they were in agreement and want to be present for it. This will occur at a later date.
People would still not leave, but the man from the funeral home gave me the urn to take home. I sat in a pew and just stared ahead. People were staring at me. I gave the urn to Hongo and told him to put it away. They also gave me the signing book, which I will open in a few days.
I sat at the front of the chapel and James came and sat down beside me. I told him that I was going to take the flower arangements to my grandparents graves and think about coming. We talked about some other stuff, and he reminded me not to dwell on what might have been, but to remember the good times.
We packed up and left the chapel. We drove to the cemetary. After some searching, we found the graves. My cousina dn aunt had been there already - there were roses on the headstones. I placed one cross arrangment between the headstones. I knelt down and began sobbing. The tears just flowed. All the pain, the frustration, the hurt I felt inside just came out. I just sat there and cried. I finally had the opportunity to grieve. Hongo went to the car and got the second arrangement, and placed it down, came around and held me while I cried. When the tears were gone, I rearranged the flowers and I told Hongo that the funeral reminded me of an old Beatles song. All the Lonely People. In it, the woman dies and no one comes to her funeral, except the pastor. My dad always worried about no one coming. The was no need for him to worry.
We went to the gathering. I was very uncomfortable, but there were certain members of the family who made me feel at ease more or less. We left at about 1:30 after taking a million group pics. Matthew handed me a card, and when I opened it, I saw that everyone had signed it and left me their contact info.

Back up the hill for my free dinner at Olive Garden. Yes, did you know that after a long day for a funeral and gathering, being completly exhausted you can go to Olive Garden and have them totally screw up your meal? Order 5 soups, and only have 1 arrive. Then when the rest come, and then you have two adult dinners come out ready but not the 2 kids meals? Then one kid meal comes out and you are told they just started the second one!
We didn't pay a dime, the manager came and apologized then comped the meal and anything else we wanted. We should have ordered wine and full desserts, lol.
We came home and I fell into my bed and slept. I did not dream. I woke up, even though I was not ready to. I had a throbbing headache. Now this is where it gets creepy.


I was laying there with my headache, and my eyes were closed. All of a sudden, the familiar scent of soap and Old Spice filled my nose, and the headache was gone. My eyes popped open, and I began sniffing my hands because I had held Dad's jacket this morning. But the smell wasnt my hands. They smelled like cheapy Olive Garden soap. The smell was gone after that. I got up and went into the loft to tell my husband. He has assured me that it is psychological. I sure hope so. It's still a neat story to tell, though.

During the service, LegoQueen wrote letters to my Dad. They are touching, and it shows what a wonderful child I have. Tomorrow I will post the contents, and then the notes will be placed with where I spread the ashes.