Death - day 2

I woke up exhausted today. I didn't sleep well, for obvious reasons. I got up and tried to start on my routine. But I couldn't.

LAst night I got a call from my mom. She was upset and told me that my younger cousin was ticked off and yelled at her because of the funeral arrangements I made. I didn't respect her wishes, and never asked her what she wanted.
Excuse me? what she wanted? did she just die? I'm pretty sure it was my dad that died. My mom said that she was told that the extra cost of a viewing would be picked up by my cousin so that she could have what she wanted.

GRRRR! That's not what HE wanted! Why is that so hard to understand???

I was told that I would get a phone call from her to "discuss" the issue. If she thought she was going to bully me and force me to get her way, she obviously didn't know me very well. I have nothing vested in this death. There was no property, no money. I could very easily pay the funeral home $1000 dollars, take possession of my father's remains, and take them home. Or spread them. I don't HAVE to have a funeral.
But he was my dad, and I wanted him to have something nice.
Anyhow, I waited for the call. Nothing. I got up and walked on the treadmill for a while, and then I went to my neighbor;s house to talk obituaries. They were sorry to hear of my dad's passing, and the man gave me sage advice. He seemed kind of shook up to hear my dad was only 49.
I went back home and started the phone calls. They are having trouble reaching the dr my dad had. That holds up the death certificate and the creamation. I asked the funeral home to put plans on hold until I could straighten this mess with my cousin out.
I did a load of laundry, and kind of wandered around. I answered some email (the emails come almost as fast as the phone calls) and then I talke to my Hongo on the phone, he suggested I call my mom. I called her and told her the latest, and she put me on the phone with my aunt (dad's younger sister) and she tried to explain to me that my cousin was overcome with grief and was not in her right mind.
Maybe I am lame, or old fashioned....but I seriously doubt that when a person lashes out at the widow, it can be explained away. Where is your compassion? Where is your class? That's right- you dont' have any. What kind of person does that?
I was given my cousin's phone numbers and asked to call her, because maybe hearing it from me would help. I doubted it, but this cousin was always close with me, so maybe it could be done.
I called and we talked. The Mafia (her mom) had already called and warned her that big bad Kim was going to call. Oooh scary. We talked and while there was no shouting going on, I did tell her firmly that she was NEVER to yell at my mother again. EVER. She didn't want to talk to me, I could tell. One less family member to annoy me then, I guess.
I don't remember what I did after that....oh yes. I completed the obituary. Someone's going to be unhappy, but hey - I like it and that is what counts. I also started my eulogy (I think that is what its called) I guess its good that the funeral is being held up -it give me a chance to compose something that I can be proud to say.
I went to my manager's meeting tonight. They already were informed, so I got a HUGE outpouring of condolences and such from people I hardly knew and some I didn't know at all.
I got home and my friend Frankie called and asked to come by. She had made spaghetti and french bread. Her son made brownies too! They came and talked with us for a while. When she left. I started to cry. I am totally grateful for everyone up here. I don't know how many times to tell them. My online friends, homeschool moms, everyone who has told me they are sorry for this loss help me keep on going. I'm just really lucky to have them, becuase my family sucks.
I'm making food for my mom to take for her tomorrow. I got a call from my uncle (the one everyone despises too, lol) and he offered me something that makes sure my checking account doesn't take a huge hit. He also put me in touch with a local florist who will design an arrangement that my dad would love. He'll pick up the tab. He told me that he was very proud of me for standing up to the rest of "them" and for taking such a huge weight on my shoulders. We talked for a long time, and he left me feeling better about facing the people at the funeral. He's got my back. I can handle myself in confrontation, but its nice to know someone is on my side.

I wonder if its bad to take pictures at a funeral. I don't think it is.... I have pictures of my grandpa's funeral. But I don't know. I guess I will take my camera anyway. I want to capture the flowers, the service. I want preservation for myself. The urn is going to my mother. I'm creeped out by having that in my house. SHe needs it more than I do, and I know I'll get it when she passes (which hopefully is a LONG time away)

Despite the chaos of my family. I am calm. I am organized. I am almost done with arrangements, I'll pick the flowers tomorrow, send the obituary, pay for the funeral, and pick something to wear. I'll take possession of photo albums to pick pictures, and I'll finish my eulogy on Sunday and sit back to wait for Monday to come. The most important thing is that my mom is comfortable. She has no spine, which makes her a perfect target for the nasty family members. I have enough spine for both of us. I am, after all, Charlie's daughter.